To The Mom Who Doesn’t Have the Patience to Homeschool

Dear Mom Friend,

Hello!

It was so good talking to you today. I always enjoy meeting new people at church, at the park, at the gym, or wherever. We need to stick together in this journey called Motherhood, right?

During our conversation you asked me where my son goes to school. That is a perfectly fair question.

When I said, “Oh, we homeschool,” I could see a switch in your demeanor. It was very subtle but I have gotten very good at detecting it.

You replied, “Oh wow. I could never homeschool. I just don’t have the patience to homeschool.”

I heard those words and just a little bit of me died on the inside. It isn’t because of you at all. Please don’t think that.

My heart broke a tiny bit today because, honestly, patience has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Zero.

None.

Zip.

Zilch.

Nada.

Guess what? I struggle with patience just like the next Mom. Really, I do.

I didn’t sign up for this homeschooling journey because I am some superhero Mom who has patience that grows on trees. I signed up for this gig because I knew in my heart that THIS is what God, my Creator and Savior, has called me to do. HE has called me to die to self every single day as I open myself up and pour into my one and only child. I also know that the One who called me to homeschool also gave me an incredibly unique child who just wouldn’t thrive in the typical school setting.

That superhero cape that you think you see flying in the wind as I tell you I educate my child at home is actually not there. I don’t know where I left it. Is it in the wash? Wait, did I leave it at the library. Oh shoot! Where did I put that cape?! Oh, I know where it is. I left it on the recliner where I keep my Bible.

You see, that’s where I get all the patience I need for the day. It is like manna from Heaven. But, just like manna fell from sky for the Israelites, this manna only comes daily. I have to open myself up for it to be poured in from the His Word.

I am a broken person, just like you. I have my limitations. I have my pains. I am in need of an awesome Savior just like anyone else in this world.

I have to ask for my son’s forgiveness pretty much on a daily basis. I lose my patience with him quite often. I lose my temper too. My sinfulness and brokenness and ugliness is opened wide open in front of my child. He sees it daily.

But…then he sees me pause, admit my failures, and ask my Father for forgiveness. And then he sees me as I kneel by him and he hears me as I ask him for his forgiveness for failing him as his mother, for not guiding him in the way I should. I ask him to forgive me for losing my patience with him or whatever was bothering me at that moment.

He then says, “Mom. I love you so much. Thank you. We all mess up. I forgive you.” We hug and cuddle as Mother and Son but also Brother and Sister in Christ. He makes it clear to me that he really is just on loan to me from our Father.

I am humbled every day as my son extends the patience and forgiveness to me that I so sorely lack. Oh, I so lack it.

So, Mama, I don’t have enough patience to homeschool.

And guess what? You don’t either. We definitely agree on that point.

Homeschool Moms don’t have any special powers that are only handed out to a select few. We are not super heroes. We are broken women just everyone else. Seriously, you have no idea.

What keeps me going if I don’t have the patience to do this?

I will tell you, first, that there are plenty of times that I seriously consider quitting. Oh yes, I want to quit often.

I have to dig deep and find my most vulnerable ‘WHY’ frequently. It is the WHY that makes me CRY. When I am reminded of the WHY I am doing this I can dust off my cape for at least a few minutes and put it on (and then promptly lose it again).

Do you understand now?

I wish I could have told you all this earlier today. I guess we just didn’t have the time and honestly, I am write so much better than I speak. Ha! I think that’s the INFJ in me.

The next time you see a homeschool Mom just know she is doing the best she can with the small portion of manna (patience) she was given for that day. She does not have a patience tree. Don’t we ALL wish we had a patience tree?

And most important of all…homeschool Moms are merely women who have made another choice. We are in no way better or more powerful than any other Mom. We are all doing the best we can with what we have.

Well, I hope we can meet up again!!! Enjoy those kids of yours!! 🙂
Blessings!!

3 Reasons To Do What Absolutely Scares You

When was the last time you wanted to do something but truthfully, it scared you to bits?

Let me tell you a little bit from my side of this story.

I confess I am not the best person to talk about doing new things. My family and friends tease me about how much I resist change. One might even say I am “a stick in the mud.” I like things to stay the same. The same is comfortable and cozy.

But, the same is just that…the same.

I know that very well. It dwells there in my mind all the time and yet I resist with all my might.

Recently, I have been growing bored in my workouts. Running and weight lifting just haven’t been holding my interest. I can’t really explain why except maybe I just need a change. But, what? What exactly could I do to keep up the level of movement that I so desperately desire? I live in a big city now and of course, that means tons of options. I have looked and considered and come to find out that what I needed the most has been right there in front of me.

Guess what my local gym has? An indoor lap pool.

I do know how to swim. I can stay afloat in the water and not drown. I took swimming lessons as a kid but I never progressed to learning the most recognized strokes. For that reason I have always lacked confidence in swimming. Combine that with a 20+ year history of avoiding swimsuits due to my poor body image and you have an anxiety-laden activity.

Here’s the funny thing. Over the last few months I have been known to stare at the pool as I was walking up to the weight room. Something in me pulled me towards that pool. I was enticed and yet repelled.

Being serious about swimming meant facing a whole lot of demons and doing something that scares the bits out of me.

Fast forward and I am happy to say that I am in that pool several times a week complete with a nice swimsuit, swim cap, and goggles. I am slowly but surely facing those demons and doing what scares me.

What about you? When WAS the last time you did something that scares you? Has it been awhile?

Well, here are three reasons to do what absolutely scares you in case you need a little push.

1. Humility 

Learning to swim properly has been a big ‘ole slice of humble pie served up warm and  a la mode. I have had to go all the way back to the start. I am spending all my swimming workouts doing various drills just so I can relearn how to be comfortable in the water again, how to breathe properly, and how to glide through the water without sinking like an anvil. It is tough because there are days that I get so bored doing these drills over and over again. I look one lane over at the kid half my age or some other adult gliding seamlessly through the water and doing flip turns over and over again all the while I am in my lane focusing on floating on my back, not sinking or inhaling water. Often I get frustrated because I so want to be that fish-like, flip-turning swimmer. I want the confidence in the water that I have in the weight room or the road. But, I know that I can’t get there by skipping crucial steps. Did I walk into the weight room and dead-lift 225 for reps my first day? HA HA! Not even close. On my first day I was holding onto my husband’s arm as we slowly made our way from one machine to the next. I was scared then too.  And then slowly over time, and on a constant diet of humble pie, I WAS able to walk in there like a boss and dead-lift 225 for reps. It took being willing to admit that I really don’t know anything about this stuff. It meant being coachable and taking it one step at a time.

Being humble means admitting that you need help.

Being humble means saying, “Hey! I know nothing but I want to learn. Could you help me?”

Being humble means being willing to be molded in the fire and to come out the other end stronger.

I am still working on those drills several times a week. I have a goal in mind of doing an open water swim. I don’t know how long it will take. I will do these drills for however long I have to to build the foundation I need. It will happen. I just have to be humble and patient.

 

2. Bust Out of Your Comfort Zone

Quite honestly, staying in your comfort zone is rather boring. Don’t you think so too?

But your comfort zone is comfy and cozy. It is safe and cloistered. The sad thing is that personal development does not happen in the comfort zone. It can’t. Like I said above you have to be humble enough to admit you need to molded into something new but for that happen you have to actually go to the fire or wheel for that molding to occur. You have to admit your need for help and then step out of your comfort zone to make that happen.

I will be honest and say that swimming scares me. I am not so much scared of the water but I am scared of doing something that requires so much humility. And then throw in the crazy notion of swimming in a big body of water where I can’t touch the bottom. It scares me. But, I KNOW I will be a completely different person when I finally achieve that goal. I will have been humble and been willing to be forged that fire. It will be awesome.

3. Growth, Empowerment, and Confidence

WOW!  Think about how you will feel when you have achieved that thing that scared you for so long. Take a moment and think about it nice and long.

When I think about how I will feel when I have swam well in that pool and ultimately, in that open water I see myself feeling ten feet tall and bulletproof. I will stand tall. I will be confident and empowered. I did what I thought was impossible. Those demons did not hold me back. I stared them in the face and I got ‘er done.

You achieved something awesome! Now take that growth, empowerment, and confidence to do something even bigger. Don’t waste all the good that comes from facing a fear and coming out on the other end.  Seriously, we can change lives when we don’t squander all that goodness.

You’ve heard about my journey to learn how to swim. Now, I want to hear about what YOU are going to do that scares you now. SOUND OFF in the comments. 🙂

 

BLESSINGS!!

 

I Found Maintenance And So Much More

For the last year I have been in a coaching program with Precision Nutrition. We officially close up the year on July 4th. I can’t believe it’s almost over. It has been such an amazing year of challenges and self-discovery. So, I wanted to take some time and share my experience with Precision Nutrition and all the things I have learned. To say this year has been a life-changer would be an understatement.

Let’s start at the beginning. I entered the program with the primary motivation to learn more about habits-based coaching from a client’s perspective and to improve as a coach. I also didn’t mind the idea of shedding some fat as well. Come to find out, it was ME who needed this more than anything.

When I started the program last summer I was placed on a team of 100+ women under the care of one spectacular coach and a few well-seasoned mentors. We could communicate through email, private team Facebook group, video chat, etc. What I loved was that there were always great boundaries all around. I could reach out to anyone I wanted as often as I wanted. It was up to me to take the step and whenever I stepped there was always someone there waiting to help out. I took advantage of private emails with our coach a few times and when I needed some extra loving I scheduled some Google Hangouts with her. Most of the time I communicated with my team through our Facebook page. There was always someone willing to offer ideas, accountability, and support over there.

We were assigned a new habit to focus on about every two weeks. These habits are meant to build on each other. The habits were seemingly simple but profound enough to require thought and effort. When working on habits it was like working around a stove. The newly assigned habit was to be brought to the front of the stove and allowed to boil. Then keep it boiling for the duration of the two weeks. That is your focus for that time. However, we don’t forget the previous habits. We just put those on a simmer at the back of the stove. All the habits are always cooking away but just at various levels of rumble.

Let me take a bit of a side trail and say that a big part of this program that I loved was that we had complete ownership of the program. It was all about discovering what worked and what did not work for MY body. Like I said not too long ago, the boundaries were excellent. No foods were said to be good or bad. Nothing was forbidden. You just figure out what works for you. For example, I can tolerate gluten well but not dairy. So I avoid many dairy products for the sake of my stomach. I have teammates who can tolerate everything and that works for them. There was no avoidance of entire food groups unless it was your choice. Everything was left up to you. Boundaries.

There were weekly assigned workouts but even those were our choice. You could follow the assigned workouts or you could follow your own program. What mattered was that you were moving and challenging your body in ways that you enjoyed. I chose to follow the assigned workouts because I wanted to take advantage of the full program. I would veer off on occassion but for the most part I followed the program.

You can learn more about the Precision Nutrition coaching program by going to their website. In fact they are going to be opening the program up again for another round of clients very soon. Here is a blog post that answers the 37 most commonly asked questions about coaching. You can also go to their Facebook page or even private message me. My main point write was to talk about what I gained from the whole thing.

I went into coaching wanting to be a better coach and maybe even lose 20 pounds. Guess what happened? I lost about five pounds. Yep, five. And I danced around those five pounds for almost a  year. Up a little and down a little.  But I stayed at those five pounds for the most part. I also lost quite a few inches overall so there was definitely a recomposition.

There were plenty of times I was disappointed about not losing more weight. Yes, I know. We are not a number. I should follow other progress indicators. I know. I say the same exact thing all the time. But, I also very much a human. I fall down and I get back up. It is hard to completely eliminate almost 20 years of a dieting/gaining cycle. I have been either actively gaining weight and hating myself for it or actively trying to lose the weight and hating my life for it.

For almost a  year I have stayed within five pounds. While knowing about my past let that sink in for a little bit. At first my thought process was that was just one of those who will always be gaining unless I am severely restricting my calories. Balance is obtainable but not for me. Or at least that was my thought process. I had no idea that my thoughts were so disordered as I entered coaching. I had already made a lot of progrress but come to find out that I had a loooooong way to go.

It took almost a year (yes, I am pretty stubborn at times) for me to clear the air and see that while I was busy seeking one thing I was finding a completely different thing.

What did I find?

I found MAINTENANCE.

Did the fact that I stayed around that same 5 pounds for close to year sink in yet? Yep, I maintained the same five pounds for close to a year. I did this while exercizing in the ways I enjoy. I did this without counting calories or macronutrients. I maintained while eating what I enjoy and what my body performed the best on. I didn’t restrict what or how much I ate.

Maintenance for me means finally finding balance. I eat when I want. I eat what I want based on what my body needs and wants. I eat until I am satisfied, not too full and not too hungry. I am rarely “hangry” (angry due to hunger) because I am satisfied most of the time. I eat what brings me joy and I move in ways that brings me joy. None of this is a chore nor do I ever resent my food or activity.

Maintenance means to be content. I am happy. It means living sustainably. I can live like this for the rest of my life. Even if I never lose a nother pound I am very happy, healthy, and active.

Maybe I will lose pounds in the future but I don’t really care anymore. Enjoying food and movement is the most important thing. It is no longer a number on a little box in my bathroom. I am not obsessed with my shape and I am not ashamed of my body anymore. I will eat the food and move my body.

Eating and exercise are not my life anymore. Eating and exercise are part of my  life now.

They keep me alive so I can live my full life.
MAINTENANCE = FREEDOM

 

BLESSINGS!!

 

I AM Enough

This is taken straight out of my journal/writing notebook. It is honest and not cleaned up. I felt compelled to share.

There are days when I look in the mirror and sigh. I see that frumpy and dumpy homeschooling housewife. I think of all the things I have not accomplished.

• Am I thin yet?
• Have I run that marathon?
• Wrote that book?
• Had more children?
• Made more money?
• Prepared those perfectly healthy meals?
• Kept a perfectly tidy house?
• Read all those books?

The answer to all these questions is a resounding NO.

I take a deep breath as I stare in the mirror and then I feel an arm come around my waist and I hear a sweet whisper of “I Love You.” I enjoy the moment. I give in. I then hear in my soul, “You ARE Enough!” It is then that I know that yes, I AM enough.  There is a lot I have not accomplished, but there is so much more that I have — things of eternal value.  I look away and I see my only son giggling as he reads his favorite books. I hear, “Hey Mom! Listen to this!!” We laugh together on the couch.

Then we gather at the table for dinner. They two loves of my life are eating and laughing. Even the dog is content as she rolls around on the carpet. We are happy. We are content.

At bedtime I can’t help but smile big as I walk by my son’s room and I see him and his Dad reading Scripture together. They both look up and smile.

After a little TV time with my Sweetheart, I slip into my boy’s room and I kiss his sleeping head — like I have every night since he was born–almost nine years now. I whisper, “I Love You.”  In that place between reality and dreams, he quietly says “I love you too. You are the best Mom EVER.”

My soul smiles as I go to bed. I take off my glasses and slip into bed. As I feel strong arms come around my waist again and we fall asleep in unison, I know. I am not perfect. But, I AM enough.

I sleep well.